- Eivor: I am weary rounding up Saxons. Is your husband stolen, drunk, or wayward?
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An Uncommon Proposition
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An Uncommon Proposition was a virtual representation of one of Eivor Varinsdottir's genetic memories, relived by Layla Hassan in 2020 through the Portable Animus HR-8.5.[1]
Description[edit | edit source]
Eivor decided to travel to Essexe to meet with ealdorman Birstan.
Dialogue[edit | edit source]
Eivor talked to Randvi about pledging to Essexe.
- Eivor: What of Essexe?
- Randvi: We received a summons from the ealdorman and his Lady of Colcestre, requesting you specifically, for "a matter of great secrecy."
- Eivor: Foreboding. And who is this ealdorman? One of King Aelfred's lackeys?
- Randvi: According to my scouts, he is a man who cares more of his own indulgences than the safety of his people. Approach with care.
Eivor pledged to Essexe.
- Eivor: I will leave at once.
- Randvi: An alliance in Essex would be invaluable. But go with caution.
Eivor left and began her journey to Colcestre, the capital of Essexe. Entering from the west, she made her way down the main street of the settlement and pulled up her hood, hiding her face from the distrusting locals.
- Eivor: The people here look poor and hungry.
Arriving at the Ealdorman's House, Eivor looked for Birstan.
- Eivor: It seems Ealdorman Birstan has made this ruin his longhouse.
Eivor entered to see a group of thegns gathered and talking with each other.
- Wyatt: Why is my cup empty?
- Aldrich: Perhaps because you have drunk the barrel dry?
- Wyatt: Damn Birstan! His household is as poorly run as his lands!
- Eadred: Estrid is a good wife, far better than he deserves.
- Wyatt: You would say that, Eadred. Your wife acts like a sow in a skirt.
- Eadred: My Sweterun is a worthy woman, you coxcomb! She's an excellent cook—
- Wyatt: With a fine nose for truffles!
- Eadred: If Birstan does not return soon, wine will not be the only thing spilled upon his floors.
- Aldrich: Now, gentlemen, everyone is fractious with this waiting. Let us be civil at least.
Eivor went to speak with Wyatt.
- Eivor: Lord.
- Wyatt: Ah! A heroic-looking Dane in our midst.
- Eivor: I'm looking for Birstan, ealdorman of this shire.
- Wyatt: Our lord is not at home. But his wife is receiving visitors upstairs, in her usual fashion. If you speak with her, pass on that we have run out of ale.
Eivor left the conversation to speak with Estrid. Eivor reached nearer to Estrid's room.
- Gisele: Birstan's thegns disrespect you, lady. Sour ale in the air, muddy boot steps all over the floors! Ces Anglais sont des cochons. (These English are pigs.)
- Estrid: Les anglais sont des hommes. (These English are men.)
- Gisele: And they've eaten us out of hearth and home! We have but one cask of ale and two roasted pheasants left.
- Estrid: Let us hope Birstan has at least killed a boar or two, or his thegns will add inhospitality to their list of complaints.
- Gisele: Cochons! (Pigs!) Filthy swine!
- Estrid: Chut, ma chere (Shh, my love). There is no use fretting.
Eivor entered the room and saw Estrid with Gisele. Estrid stood up and pulled out a knife.
- Estrid: You! Guards will come at one cry from me.
- Eivor: Sheathe your blade, lady. I am Eivor of the Raven Clan, here at your husband's request.
- Gisele: Another Dane.
Estrid holstered her knife.
- Eivor: I am Estrid, wife of the Lord of Essexe. As you may have heard, my lord is not at home.
- Eivor: If he's away, I'll speak to you.
- Estrid: O, that you could, Eivor. For I am sure this hall would shake with our merry wit. But your accord must reached with him.
- Eivor: You don't strike me as a meek Saxon wife.
- Estrid: Do you yet see an ember of my Frankish fire, Raven-walker? Perhaps it dances in my eyes?
- Eivor: I am weary rounding up Saxons. Is your husband stolen, drunk, or wayward?
- Eivor: You don't speak as one from here. Where is your home?
- Estrid: These rain-sodden bogs and fog-washed hill are not my home, thank Christ. I come from Francia.
- Eivor: My grandfather walked on Frankish sod. He spoke of an appetite for conquest that rivaled our own.
- Estrid: Sadly, my conquests are reduced to pettish thegns and graceless men. All Frankish fire extinguished.
- Eivor: I am weary rounding up Saxons. Is your husband stolen, drunk, or wayward?
- Estrid: He'll be stalking the woodlands today, hunting games and ignoring the vital affairs of Essexe. One such affair is why we called for you.
- Eivor: If I can find him, I'll remind him of his duties.
- Estrid: Such would be a miracle. His favorite haunt is southwest of here. The lavender fields there attract the prey, God help him.
- Eivor: With luck, he hasn't been eaten. But I'll return either way.
Eivor strolled back across the main room as Estrid addressed the thegns.
- Estrid: Patience is a godly virtue, Eadred.
- Eadred: Even the saints would tire of waiting for Birstan to hang up his bow. Dear Estrid, we must discuss the affairs of this land, with or without him.
Eivor left and traveled west to Epinga Forest to search for Birstan's camp.
- Eivor: Hunting is a fine sport, but I hope the ealdorman has not become the prey. No good comes from a camp this bloody.
Eivor investigated the camp and found a dead body ravaged.
- Eivor: The remains of the hunting party. This one was savaged by a large animal.
Eivor noticed the campfire disturbed.
- Eivor: They were caught off guard as they supped.
Eivor found a half-eaten horse.
- Eivor: They were attacked by a beast. Something strong enough to kill a horse.
Eivor looked further and found tracks.
- Eivor: Some large prey left these tracks in the grass.
Eivor concluded what happened to Birstan's camp.
- Eivor: The hunters were prey to a large beast or two. I can only hope that Birstan still lives.
Following the evidence, Eivor went to find the ealdorman. Viewing the ealdorman over a dead bear, Eivor noticed two more bears charging towards him.
- Eivor: Birstan?
- Birstan: Ready your weapon! Or accept your fate as a feast for bears!
Eivor and Birstan attacked the bears with blades and arrows. Birstan boasted between his shots.
- Birstan: Do not let them charge you!
Ha! We'll fight to the death, worthy one.
Ha! Your weapon strikes true!
This is one Saxon you won't kill today!
Gets the blood coursing!
You have savaged enough men today, beast!
Eivor and Birstan killed the rest of the bears.
- Birstan: Well fought, friend. I would not have survived this ambush without you.
Eivor spoke with Birstan.
- Birstan: You have my gratitude. To stumble upon me in my moment of greatest peril, perhaps you were God-sent?
- Eivor: I am Estrid-sent. Your wife and the thegns of Essexe both want your balls on a blacksmith's anvil.
- Birstan: When do they not? You could return and report that the savage claw took me. "Poor Birstan, his exit, pursued by a bear!"
- Eivor: And make the beast Lord of Essexe in your stead.
- Birstan: No doubt Estrid would prefer his velvet paws to my calloused hands. So who are you? A sellsword?
- Eivor: I'm Eivor of the Raven Clan. You hinted at an alliance for the loan of my unique talents.
- Eivor: I'm Norse, and no coin-groveler.
- Birstan: Intriguing! We Saxons hear only that Danes and Norse are ferocious barbarians, all teeth and claws, with little subtlety or wit. But ho! Are you the Norse I sent word to?
- Eivor: I'm Eivor of the Raven Clan. You hinted at an alliance for the loan of my unique talents.
- Eivor: You speak ill of your wife. Has your love faded or were you ill-matched?
- Birstan: As family, we are close as Cain and Abel. She is a willful woman, and I am a bad husband. You know me, it seems?
- Eivor: Only by reputation.
- Birstan: A deliciously teasing sentiment.
- Eivor: I'm Eivor of the Raven Clan. You hinted at an alliance for the loan of my unique talents.
- Birstan: 'Sblood, yes! Let us return to Colcestre at once and we'll speak more of the delicate matter on my mind.
Eivor and Birstan started to leave to go back to Colcestre.
- Birstan: I am glad you answered my summons. I did not expect such a skilled fighter!
- Eivor: It's good I came when I did. You lost many men on this hunt.
- Birstan: Good men, all. They will have the proper rites, and their families will be cared for.
- Eivor: Your people sacrificed much for your sport.
- Birstan: They did. There is no balm for my tortured heart.
- Eivor: Why did you ask me here?
- Birstan: Do you believe in true love, Eivor?
- Eivor: I have loved.
- Birstan: But have you truly? Has a longing burned in your breast, a sweet, lingering pain? Paralyzing you with its sting?
- Eivor: There is pain enough in battle, I do not seek it out in love.
- Birstan: I long for it. The thrill of a fight softly won. My wife Estrid lacks fire. She is a fish out of water. Cold and dead.
- Eivor: She showed great passion when I met her, keeping your thegns in check.
- Birstan: O, they love her, it is true. Some with too much devotion. And I have not been a good and attentive husband. I have always been a plucked goose in matters of love. And a piss-poor ruler to boot.
- Eivor: Strong must be the hand that steers the ship, Birstan.
- Birstan: My hand would rather tug the catgut of well-crafted bow, my eyes narrowing at the sight of prey.
- Eivor: Aye. A crown sits heavy on the head.
- Birstan: Then let us run wild and free in the woods as the wolves do! Live on our wits. Prowl and stalk and feast.
- Eivor: You have a romantic way about you, Birstan.
Their horses trotted into the city, where the guards normally held Danes with great suspicion.
- Birstan: Do not fret. My guards will not worry you when we are together.
- Eivor: You mismark me if you think I'm capable of worry. Have you built your city in the ruins of another?
- Birstan: No. These builders are lost to the annals of time. Far advanced of the Saxon hovels of wattle and daub. I have ambition to build a great palace, myself. With mosaics and balmy courtyards.
- Eivor: What stops you?
- Birstan: That which stops all but the most creative minds. Coin, imagination, talent.
- Eivor: And your people? Is Essexe happy?
- Birstan: That is a question I never really ponder. I suppose they are. I hope they are. Aelfred believes I rule like a chick-less hen. Flapping and squawking over nothing but the farmer's dinner.
- Eivor: He interferes?
- Birstan: No, he disapproves. Is that not infinitely worse? But look, we are nearing the hall.
They dismounted their horses at the stable outside Birstan's residence and walked to the front door.
- Birstan: I must face the wolves at my door before we discuss your favor to Essexe, Eivor.
- Eivor: It may be I can speed your business along?
Eivor and Birstan join the hall meeting as the thegns looked displeased from waiting.
- Birstan: Ready to help me fend off the spears of their displeasure?
- Eivor: Let them speak their woes. I'll advise you if you can.
Eivor and Birstan walk towards the center table.
- Wyatt: Who is this owl, Birstan, that twitters in your ear?
- Birstan: An advisor, nothing more, here to help Essexe navigate her brewing storms. Now, my dear brethren. Eadred, perhaps you will start us off. What troubles you?
- Eadred: You're a disgrace, Birstan! Couldn't get a sow pissed in an alehouse. Aelfred's men are crawling all over Essexe.
- Birstan: King Aelfred, yes... though it is within his right, the constant presence of his men is certainly an issue.
- Eivor: Are they men or babes? If Aelfred meddles in the affairs of Essexe, send his men home in shrouds.
- Birstan: Ah... we should challenge his right to rule? Was not Essexe once a thriving kingdom of its own? We should fight! Yes, fight!
- Eivor: Aelfred will get bored soon enough. He has bigger pikes to bake than are to be found in this stolid backwater.
- Birstan: Aelfred's forces are only here because of Estrid's failed kidnap. Now that she is safe, they will soon be gone.
- Birstan: An issue that must be dealt with. Indeed.
- Birstan: And you, Wyatt? What do you say?
- Wyatt: Your preparations for the Lammas festival. How can you think of spending so much coin, when your people are starving?
- Eivor: Drink, be merry, eat your fill. Sing of great battles, for tomorrow we may die. There's no problem that mead and song can't solve.
- Birstan: Do we not deserve such mirth? A great feast of happiness? The dark days of winter approach, let us drink them away!
Wyatt shook his head angrily.
- Eivor: He should put his own ham fist in his purse and contribute to the festival.
- Birstan: Yes, you worry about the cost of such a festival, one that thanks God for our great harvest? Contribute your own coin, then.
- Eivor: Often should one make an early meal, nor fasting come to the feast.
- Birstan: The feast, yes. The festival! This is not for full bellies, but to bless the loaf. Does that not bring us all good fortune?
- Birstan: Starving, yes, that is not... good. I'll see to it.
- Birstan: And Aldrich? Do you yap like a she-hound as Eadred does?
- Aldrich: You know my thoughts, Birstan. The fyrd. How can we give men to Aelfred for his wars when our harvest suffers day by day?
- Eivor: Refuse to send your men. Let's Aelfred people die for his hopeless cause against the Norse.
- Birstan: Then... we... refuse?
- Aldrich: Refuse our king? Has madness taken your wits, Birstan?
- Eivor: Do they not defend your land? You'll need all the men you can muster to fight the coming wars.
- Birstan: The Danes are a great threat when provoked. Those we cannot ally with, we must fight or lose our lands.
- Eivor: Beware of sleep on a witch's bosom, nor let her limbs ensnare you. For she will not bring an early harvest.
- Birstan: I... ah... bosoms that?... ah, no. I'm afraid I don't know what that means, Eivor.
- Birstan: Suffers, dear me.
- Birstan: There, have I not answered all your questions?
- Wyatt: I thank you for your candor, Birstan. You have put my mind somewhat at ease.
- Aldrich: Aye.
- Eadred: Indeed.
- Birstan: Good. With that, we are concluded, my lords. Now if you'll pardon me, I have much to discuss with my wife.
- Wyatt: You are a stain on this shire, Birstan! Useless!
- Aldrich: Useless...
- Eadred: That's right.
- Birstan: Yet, still you haunt my hall? Begone, I haven't time for your squabbling!
The three thegns left his home as Eivor and Birstan went to see Estrid.
- Birstan: I sense you had some fun there, Eivor. And your playful wickedness backfooted my squabbling thegns.
- Eivor: I don't know what you speak of, lord.
- Birstan: That ceased their prattling! A fine outcome, Eivor. The very soul of balance.
- Eivor: A firm hand is all you need, Birstan, whether on your hunting bow, or on your helm.
- Birstan: You're certainly a better hunter than you are a diplomat, Eivor.
- Eivor: I spend my effort where it matters most.
- Birstan: If speech is silver and silence is golden, then you are rich indeed, Eivor!
- Eivor: I'm a better hunter than talker.
- Birstan: All this talk of hunting makes long for the woods.
- Eivor: Your wife awaits, Birstan. Are you not worried some other man will drench your sheets with his sweats?
- Birstan: Ha! She does as she must. As do I. But you will discover this soon enough.
Eivor and Birstan met up with Estrid and Gisele.
- Estrid: You have done the impossible, Dane. Returned my errant gander to his coop.
- Birstan: My pettish love, such a stormy countenance clouds the sun of my return.
- Estrid: Your thegns drank the ale the abbot gifted us. All of it.
- Birstan: Now that is a tragedy my heart will not easily overcome.
- Estrid: If he looked at me for the same affection he shows for hunting deer, our marriage might have survived.
- Eivor: I noticed your love has gone sour. Was it fresher than this?
- Estrid: There is so little difference between love and hate, it's difficult to say where the sourness comes from.
- Eivor: So what do you need of me?
- Eivor: So what do you need of me?
- Eivor: Essexe seems at odds with itself. Have you called me here to fix the many problems I've already seen today?
- Birstan: No, no. I would not inflict the fighting of my thegns upon you, Eivor. Our matters are more delicate.
- Estrid: And of a more personal bent. Requiring a finesse and discretion that these Saxons often lack.
- Eivor: So what do you need of me?
- Estrid: Our affairs are more of heart than of state, Eivor. What little passion there was between us faded into bickering long ago.
- Birstan: We would have our freedom, Eivor. I from my wife, and my wife from Essexe.
- Eivor: I am too sharp a weapon for so soft a task. Why not part and be done with it?
- Estrid: O, were I a Dane! And divorce as simple as a slit throat. But it's not as easy as that.
- Eivor: Does your god not allow husbands and wives to part?
- Birstan: Our God, our king. There is much standing in the way of a joyous uncoupling. Ours was an arranged marriage, a political need, and not easily broken.
- Eivor: Explain yourselves, clear and plain, and I will do it. The poetry here is mind mud.
- Eivor: Then what is stopping you? Your King Aelfred?
- Birstan: Ours was not a union of love, but necessity. Decreed by Aelfred's father to strengthen ties with Francia. Not easily broken.
- Eivor: Explain yourselves, clear and plain, and I will do it. The poetry here is mind mud.
- Eivor: Explain yourselves, clear and plain, and I will do it. The poetry here is mind mud.
- Birstan: We had a plan, a simple plan. A woman lost and a woman found.
- Estrid: Some time ago, we paid a Dane to kidnap me and ferry me safely to Francia. As you can see, he did not deliver.
- Birstan: He was certainly thorough in other regards.
- Eivor: Some Norse can be quick to take coin and slow to earn it. If I give my word, it is not broken.
- Estrid: Could we try the kidnap again? Much of the planning is done. It would only take a more trustworthy overseer.
- Eivor: It should be a bold venture if we do. Loud and brash and seen by all.
- Estrid: During our Lammas festival? Merry peasants and guards with wandering eyes?
- Eivor: Your return to Francia would need a swift ship. With a captain ready to leave England.
- Estrid: We could ask him.
- Birstan: I would have thought his steed and seamen spent.
- Estrid: Come find me in the market, Eivor. Our unwelcome guests require food and ale to soften their anger.
Estrid left for the marketplace.
- Birstan: My wife is a gracious and attentive host, Eivor. The only thing that keeps my braying thegns at bay.
- Eivor: And the woman found?
- Birstan: A darling May-bud. Alfida, my childhood sweetheart. I left her twenty years ago in Maeldun to marry my prickled pear.
- Eivor: Twenty years? Can an ember so cold be reignited?
- Birstan: We can hope! You must fan the flame. Find her, bring her to my lakeside cottage, and light a bonfire there. I will know to come. I believe she lived in the last house of Maeldun. A small, sweet place where fond memories were made.
- Eivor: I will do as you both ask, and ask Freyja for success in this love game.
- Birstan: Good luck in your endeavors, Eivor. I pray you find my Alfida, with a fair face and a yearning heart.
Eivor agreed to help the estranged couple.
- Eivor: Now, should I look for Alfida first or meet with Estrid at the marketplace?
Outcome[edit | edit source]
Eivor protected Birstan from bears, returned back to Colcestre, and agreed to help break up the arranged marriage between Birstan and Estrid.
Behind the scenes[edit | edit source]
Birstan's line suggesting that Eivor tell everyone about "his exit, pursued by a bear" is a reference to William Shakespeare's famous stage direction in his 1623 play The Winter's Tale.
The conversation with the thegns plays out much like a flyting challenge. It has three rounds of three dialogue choices each, with a time limit to choose between them, and each choice has a different weight of "favorability" in determining the final outcome of the dialogue, with the most creative and poetic responses being "best," the direct and assertive responses being "good," and the passive responses being "bad." A total of at least two "best" responses and one "good" response will yield the ideal outcome here.
Gallery[edit | edit source]
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Eivor arriving at the Ealdorman's house -
Eivor investigating the corpse and blood -
Eadred voicing his concerns
