Talk:Ludovico Orsi

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Notes for revamp

This article needs to be revamped:

• The introduction needs to include all important, relevant information about him, including the murder of Riario and role at the Battle of Forlì, in a very brief, summarized form.
• The Biography section needs to re-inroduce their early life of living a "leisurely life in the countryside" and their murderous money-lending business. If not, it should reintroduce Ludovico and his brother's name, rather than beginning with "the brothers".
• Similarly, although it's fine and relevant to discuss Ludovico as a pair with his brother, this article is about Ludovico, and it should not begin the Biography section with "the brothers", but at least "Ludovico" and his brother. Ludovico should be introduced as an autonomous individual.
• "Riario, who was already in debt to the Orsi brothers, was stabbed to death by them during a meal, and his naked body was thrown out onto the town's central plaza."

• Passive voice is generally discouraged in English, with good reason as this sentence is a bit awkward. The only exception is that if this article is Riario's article, where it might be preferable to write from his perspective. As this is not Riario's article, it should be rewritten in the active voice from Ludovico's perspective.
• It is also missing some details: that the Orsi brothers merely waltzed up to the dining room non-chalantly, that Riario was stabbed specifically in the chest, and that the Orsi brothers ransacked the estate afterwards.

I guess all this may not be enough to warrant a revamp tag. I had initially added it because I also thought the line "Bored with their life in the countryside, the two began a loan-sharking business, where they murdered any who did not pay their debts." was plagiarism from the database entry, but I was wrong. Anyways, these are just the notes for a revamp of the article. I don't have time to really focus on this task right now as there's a lot of other articles that need work. Sol Pacificus^(Cyfiero) 21:43, April 24, 2017 (UTC)