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During this time, he gave her a diary to practice, telling her that it was "a rare gift, but better than drawing in the sand". Though Jeanne learned how to write quickly, she later became scared of the Brotherhood, to the point of looking forward to being sold to Philippe, despite being in love with Agate at the time.
Jeanne then took the journal with her to New Orleans, pinning it inside of her dress so that she could continue her writing, which improved greatly over time. Eventually, she fled Louisiana for Mexico, leaving her first book behind, though she continued her writings in a new journal she acquired.
Today A- took my hand but he dropped it when B- came near and laughed. He say M- will be angry. He say A- should be training. Training for what? I do not like B- or trust him. He is rude.
My fingers had blisters from scrubbing, and my knees was bruised from the floor. Mistress L- tells me stop or I will lower my price. If I am ugly or lame no one will want me at auction. If my price is low she will beat me. Mistress C- told me to pay her no mind.
I follow A- and B- to secret meeting with M-. I know I should not but I am so worried for A-. He is not the same after he meets with M-. Now I know his training is for the Brotherhood. M- says we must take it for ourselves -- that we must fight, and not be afraid to die or kill for our freedom, like A-. Did A- kill? For what freedom? Now I wonder. What will M- ask of me in return for book and lessons?
A- asked me to join M-'s Brotherhood. He says it is only way we can be together. He does not tell me why. He does not know I spied before. B- says I will never join because I am a traitor. A- hits him. I do not know what to do. I love A- but Brotherhood scares me.
A- gives me herbs from M-. He wants me to add it to wine for the family at dinner. I will not. Mistress L- is cruel but I will not harm Mistress C- and the children. A- goes. He say if I do not join M-'s Brotherhood we never speak again.
I have to confess somewhere so I confess here. When A- left I took something from him. Something the Brotherhood needs. Something it would kill for. I do not know why it is important. But I fear that A- and B- and M- will know it was me. But it is too late for them. Even if they kill me, they will not find it.
Mistress L- says auction is next week. It is wrong to think so but I wish it was sooner. My hope is I am bought and sent to a far place. I do not care about my future. Only I must go from this place and the eyes of the Brotherhood.
At auction, they pull back my lips and press my teeth. They lift my skirts and squeeze my legs. I sing and explain proper method of washing linen. Some do not like my speech. So I cover it and speak only roughly, as if M- teaches me nothing. None want me. I fear Mistress L-'s whip.
At last a man comes near. They call him Monsieur de G-. He is quiet and does not look at me. Mistress L- says he will take me to la Louisianne. I am glad to leave this place.
I am allowed to bring only my clothes but am able to hid my diary. I pin it inside my skirt. I stitch the Heart of the Brotherhood, into the lining. I am afraid Mistress L- will find them but I am spared.
Monsieur de G- comes to my quarters at night. At first I think it not proper. But I know I am no one to refuse him. I can not stop from thinking of A-. Did I betray him? Or he me? I am glad he cannot find me, but still I see his face in every man and sometimes I wish it was him. I will try harder to be devoted to Monsieur de G-. He treats me gently although he does not have to. He brings me safety. I learned his name is P-.
We arrive in New Orleans. Monsieur de G- says I will not take my quarters among the other slaves, but in his house. I do not know what the others will think. I know I should only be glad for any comfort I am given.
May 7th, 1746
P- asked me to become his placée. I feel I must accept his offer. It is my fate that unofficial wife is the only kind of wife I can be. Maybe I earned this fate when I betrayed A- and his Brothers. So I am lucky to accept.
P- treats me with more kindness than I deserve. I think I am truly fond of him. I have something to tell him as well: I am with child. I hope he will not be displeased.
June 20, 1747
My daughter is born. She is healthy and complete. My love for her grows in a way that makes me think I did not ever know true love before. She has P-'s eyes. We will call her Aveline.
P- was full of emotion at birth. On seeing her, he falls to his knees. He says he is ashamed. He begs forgiveness for keeping me enslaved all this time. He vows to grant us both our freedom. Perhaps there is hope for the future, after all.
November 9, 1749
I have not written in a long while, so busy have I been with Aveline, and all the affairs of the household. How we have grown together as a family! and Aveline is truly the heart of our home, winning the hearts of all who meet her with her playful nature and carefree smile.
I should not have thought it possible that a daughter of mine could enjoy such a life of comfort and freedom. True, there are those who would taunt us with rude remarks in the streets, but they are far outnumbered by friends. I know P-'s prominent position, and success in trading are responsible, but still I am grateful every day.
Not since I saw my parents did I ever allowed myself to imagine I would ever enjoy such happiness again.
August 12th, 1750
Aveline continues to grow in health, intelligence and beauty. How her father dotes on her! Our happiness is marred only by recent troubles with P-'s business. He returns home later and later, his brow more and more furrowed. But he seems to be confident that his investor, Monsieur de L-, with his daughter, who visits frequently, will help see him through these turbulent waters. I try to persuade P- that we can make do with much less, if that is required.
Pages 16 - 30
Trivia
Aveline was given the first page of Jeanne's diary by her father, prompting a search on her part for the other missing pages.
