Talk:Altaïr Ibn-La'Ahad: Difference between revisions
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== Corrected spelling/grammar == | == Corrected spelling/grammar == | ||
Under "Siege of Masyaf", there is a line reading "Taking the village, slaughtering its inhabitants, and besieging the castle, Altaïr and several groups of Assassins ran to defend the village." | Under "Siege of Masyaf", there is a line reading "Taking the village, slaughtering its inhabitants, and besieging the castle, Altaïr and several groups of Assassins ran to defend the village." | ||
This is incorrect sentence structure and does not - strictly speaking - make any sense. The way this sentence is written implies that Altaïr and the other Assassins were the ones taking the village, slaughtering its inhabitants, etc. | This is incorrect sentence structure and does not - strictly speaking - make any sense. The way this sentence is written implies that Altaïr and the other Assassins were the ones taking the village, slaughtering its inhabitants, etc. | ||
This sentence is in desperate need of rephrasal. I reccomend "While the attacking templars were <u>t</u>aking the village, slaughtering its inhabitants, and besieging the castle, Altaïr and several groups of Assassins ran to defend <strike>the village</strike>'' ''it." be substituted. | This sentence is in desperate need of rephrasal. I reccomend "While the attacking templars were <u>t</u>aking the village, slaughtering its inhabitants, and besieging the castle, Altaïr and several groups of Assassins ran to defend <strike>the village</strike>'' ''it." be substituted. | ||
[[User:Candid canid|Candid canid]] ([[User talk:Candid canid|talk]]) 09:12, September 7, 2012 (UTC) | [[User:Candid canid|Candid canid]] ([[User talk:Candid canid|talk]]) 09:12, September 7, 2012 (UTC) | ||
Amended. Thank you for pointing this out. {{User:Gabriel Auditore/sig}} 10:00, September 7, 2012 (UTC) | Amended. Thank you for pointing this out. {{User:Gabriel Auditore/sig}} 10:00, September 7, 2012 (UTC) | ||
Revision as of 13:41, 2 November 2012
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Corrected spelling/grammar
Under "Siege of Masyaf", there is a line reading "Taking the village, slaughtering its inhabitants, and besieging the castle, Altaïr and several groups of Assassins ran to defend the village."
This is incorrect sentence structure and does not - strictly speaking - make any sense. The way this sentence is written implies that Altaïr and the other Assassins were the ones taking the village, slaughtering its inhabitants, etc.
This sentence is in desperate need of rephrasal. I reccomend "While the attacking templars were taking the village, slaughtering its inhabitants, and besieging the castle, Altaïr and several groups of Assassins ran to defend the village it." be substituted.
Candid canid (talk) 09:12, September 7, 2012 (UTC)
Amended. Thank you for pointing this out. ~ GI Auditore Comms Channel 10:00, September 7, 2012 (UTC)