Driving Mrs. Disraeli
Driving Mrs. Disraeli was a virtual representation of one of Jacob Frye's genetic memories, relived by a Helix initiate through the Helix Navigator.
Description[edit | edit source]
Jacob escorted Mary Anne Disraeli through the Devil's Acre in exchange for information in the identity of "B".
Dialogue[edit | edit source]
Jacob met Mary Anne and her dog, Desmond, in the rear garden of 10 Downing Street.
- Jacob: Madam.
- Mary Anne: Mr. Frye.
- Jacob: Ready to take the air? Devil's Acre should just be coming alive.
- Mary Anne: I'm afraid I must cancel our engagement. The lawn is crawling with scandal-hunting journalists, and I simply cannot be seen in the company of someone so...
- Jacob: I'll see them off. You follow along when it's clear.
Jacob was about to leave.
- Mary Anne: Yes, yes. Be gentle, won't you? The press are notoriously touchy about any violence to their person.
Jacob laughed.
- Jacob: I'll barely ruffle a hair on their heads.
Jacob tried to pet Desmond.
- Desmond: Arf, arf!
- Mary Anne: Shh, Desmond!
Jacob made his way to Downing Street itself and approached a paper girl, offering her money.
- Jacob: That's yours if you can get those chaps over there to follow me.
- Paper girl: Right you are, sir.
The paper girl took the money and waved her arms at the reporters.
- Paper girl: Blimey, look! It's Squire Bancroft!
The reporters approached Jacob.
- Jacob: Best lead them astray before they tear me to shreds.
- Reporters: Mr. Bancroft! Mr. Bancroft! What's coming up next for the Prince of Wales? Will you be performing Mr. Robertson's new work? Who will you be playing? Any comment on the notices for the play?
Jacob escaped the reporters and returned to Mary Anne's carriage.
- Mary Anne: Neatly done, young man. Dizzy ought to keep you on to deal with the Liberals. Now, a drive is in order, I think. I certainly don't intend to walk the entire way to Devil's Acre.
Jacob took the reins of the carriage, but he and Mary Anne were soon spotted by the reporters.
- Reporter 1: There! In the cart, it's the Prime Minister's wife!
- Mary Anne: I really must not be seen here, Mr. Frye!
More reporters spotted them.
- Reporter 2: There, in the carriage, get after them!
- Mary Anne: Let us avoid these vultures!
Jacob and Mary Anne drove away from the reporters and arrived at the Devil's Acre.
- Mary Anne: Ooh, what a rough place! Give me your arm, Mr. Frye. Let us see what the Devil's Acre has to offer.
Jacob took Mary Anne by the arm and Desmond, sitting in the latter's purse, soon began panting.
- Jacob: Is your dog quite all right?
- Mary Anne: Oh, Desmond's fine. He's just not over fond of strangers. Or cats.
Jacob and Mary Anne walked through the Devil's Acre. If Jacob was detected by thugs, Mary Anne and Desmond would react.
- Mary Anne: Oh my! Thuggery! Mr. Frye, I shall let you attend to this.
I believe you'll require your cad walloper for this, Mr. Frye!
Oh! Mr. Frye, Mr. Frye, look! A rascal!
Gracious! I do believe we're being "mugged"!
I am so sorry, he's not usually this excitable!
Jacob eliminated the thugs.
- Mary Anne: Oh, well done, Mr. Frye! Have you considered taking employment as a Parliamentary whip?
Ha! That was quite the thrill. Shall we see what awaits us deeper in the Acre?
Gallantly done, Mr. Frye. Shall we press on?
Oh, remarkable form, Mr. Frye! I imagine you're the terror of London's underworld. Now, let us continue! - Mary Anne: Do you know, this gentleman is a... oh, what was it? Yes, a "costermonger" of all things. Remarkable how the working classes occupy themselves, isn't it?
- Jacob: Very industrious, I'm sure. Shall we go?
- Resident: ...and so the vicar says, "your pardon, bishop, I thought that was the Eucharist!"
The slum resident laughed.
- Mary Anne: I'm so sorry, I have no earthly idea what you're talking about.
- Jacob: A-a-hem. Mrs. Disraeli?
Mary Anne tried to whistle.
- Jacob: Everything all right?
- Mary Anne: Oh yes. I've just learned to whistle.
- Jacob: Right...
Mary Anne continued whistling, attracting the attention of nearby thugs.
- Mary Anne: Why, Mr. Frye, I do believe that man is drunk!
- Jacob: I expect you're right, madam.
- Mary Anne: I'm going to ask what he's having!
- Jacob: Perhaps you'd let me recommend something instead.
Jacob and Mary Anne passed a kissing couple.
- Mary Anne: Ooh, Mr. Frye, look at those two!
- Jacob: Err, yes, they, uh, they seem to be, umm...
- Mary Anne: I've been married twice, Mr. Frye. I'm fully aware of what they're doing. God bless them.
They passed a merchant.
- Mary Anne: What sort of meat is that man selling?
- Jacob: Best not to ask.
- Mary Anne: Why? Is it something dreadful? Oh, is it rat?
- Jacob: I don't mean to be indelicate, given the present company, but another name for it is "bow wow mutton".
They arrived at a pub.
- Jacob: Here we are, the old One Tun Pub. Best beer in the Devil's Acre.
At the pub, Jacob and Mary Anne toasted their tankards of beer.
- Mary Anne: So, this is a "pint", is it? Huh!
Mary Anne expressed severe distaste after drinking her beer.
- Mary Anne: Remarkable.
A thug approached their table.
- Thug 1: Nice doggie.
He took Desmond and off.
- Mary Anne: Desmond!
Following the sound of Desmond's barking, Jacob caught up with the thug.
- Thug 1: Shut up, dog!
- Jacob: Good boy, Desmond. Hand over the mutt.
- Thug 1: You'll change your tune when me and my friends find you!
The thug threw Desmond at Jacob, who grabbed the latter.
- Jacob: Now then, Desmond, to get you back to your mistress... whom I've just left entirely unattended in one of London's most dangerous pubs!
Jacob returned to the pub with Desmond and found Mary Anne in conversation with a group of thugs.
- Mary Anne: Well, if you never told your father how you felt about him, how was he supposed to know?
- John: I never thought of it that way. I suppose deep down we all just want to be loved.
- Mary Anne: Just so. Here. Have a sweetie.
Mary Anne gave the thug a piece of candy as Jacob placed Desmond on the pub table.
- Mary Anne: Ah, Desmond! And Mr. Frye! I'd like you to meet... I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name.
- John: John the Tosser.
- Jacob: Charmed.
Jacob turned to Mary Anne.
- Jacob: I think we'd better get you home.
- Mary Anne: Right you are, Mr. Frye. Come along, Desmond!
After Jacob helped Mary Anne inside her carriage, the thug who had stolen the dog returned with his men.
- Thug 1: Well, well, well. If it isn't the dog walker.
- Jacob: Now, let's not do something we'll regret.
Jacob took the reins of the carriage and drove away.
- Mary Anne: Well, I must thank you for a most energetic and enlightening evening, Mr. Frye.
- Jacob: No, thank you, madam. Perhaps now you might tell me about the man in the Hussar's uniform?
- Mary Anne: Quite right, dear. Lord Cardigan is the gentleman you seek. Tiresome man. Always blathering on about his military adventures.
- Jacob: Do you know where I might find him for a private conversation?
- Mary Anne: I do indeed. He's in town now, as it happens, campaigning against the Corrupt Practices Bill. Perhaps you could catch him in the Palace of Westminster. Do be careful – the government can ill afford another scandal.
- Jacob: I assure you, I'll be very discreet.
Jacob drove to 10 Downing Street and opened the door to the carriage.
- Jacob: Your stop, madam.
- Mary Anne: My "stop". How delightful, thank you.
Jacob helped Mary Anne out of the carriage.
- Mary Anne: Thank you for a splendid evening, Mr. Frye. I shall be sure to speak highly of you to Dizzy. Oh, yes.
Mary Anne walked into her residence.
Outcome[edit | edit source]
After escorting Mary Anne through the Devil's Acre, Jacob learned that the man behind the attempt on the Prime Minister's life was the Earl of Cardigan, who could be found at the Palace of Westminster.
Trivia[edit | edit source]
- The title of the memory is a reference to the 1989 film Driving Miss Daisy.
Gallery[edit | edit source]
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Jacob greeting Mrs. Disraeli -
A working thug talking with Mrs. Disraeli
