Ezio Auditore da Firenze

Ezio Auditore Da Firenze - You start off as this guido in the beginning of the game, sliding out of your mother's snatch like a slip 'n slide. Hitting the wooden floor, your father picking you up and chanting italian gibberish. You suffer from a seizure and start crying. Years later, You are a rich nigger in a bitch gang. Sayin' yo momma jokes and being an Al Pacino rip off. You get a rock thrown at you and your repressed brain damage comes back. Causing your eyes to bulge from the sockets and foam at the mouth while flailing your arms towards your enemies. After you fuck their shit up, you decide it's time to fuck some "pretty" whore. Then you get to your house, collect some feathers, bring letters door to door like an Italian postbitch, and just avoid the po-po. After your crack-head dad and gay brothers get captured and publicly hanged like the pieces of Italian apeshit they are, you decide it's time for some fucking revenge. So you go to your dad's secret chill room, filled with weed and a chest with some dirty old nigger robes. But seeming your retarded dad has hidden the room, you gotta use your "see-piss-stains-on-wall" (AKA Eagle Vision) power to find the weed and retarded Assassin Gear. This is so fucked up.

After you dress up like a dirty Arab faggot (Just with more bombs and weedbags on you, and being too cheap to buy a whole cape, and only pay for half a cape that phails to conceal your already supposedly "hidden" blade), you decide you're gonna stab some motherfucking fat guy that betrayed your family. You gotta "Blend into the crowd", by just rudely pushing your way into a group of walking Italian farmers/poor faggots, and just walk along. Seriously, guards don't notice a white robe wearing guido with a fucking hoodie and a sword in his dirty hands when you walk by through a crowd of poor Italian civillians. Like, THEY WOULDN'T CARE. After you kill that fat bitch you decide to take your whore sister with Down Syndrome and your retarded mom that can't speak anymore cuz some fags raped her, to get out of the fucking city. To some fucking Villa in Central Italy. On the way there you meet those bitches you had a fuckfight with earlier, and decide to fuck their shit up. You got some weird dildo on your arm, that magically appears whenever you want it to. Then when you get to that guido Villa, your pedo Uncle Mario pops up to rape you and your family. He yells ITSA ME, MARIO trying to be funny with a refference from a Ninfucktoe game. GUESS WHICH ONE!1!11! After you drop off your whore sister and brain-dead mother, you go on to kill Templar bitches, kill innocent guards doing their job, hire whores, kill/steal from people, run around on rooftops, break every bone in your body and still be perfectly fine and just steal from tombs and chests. LEAVE THE DEAD PEOPLE ALONE!

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